Alvers
by Race Baj 2.0
Summary: Sort of a take off of Seinfeld with Evo. A fic about nothing :D
1. Episode 1

(A auditorium Lance stands, a red curtain is behind him)

Lance: You ever notice that they have yellow pages, and white pages? What's up with that?

(Crowd boos)

Lance: err... ok... better go with relevant material. So have you heard, the Blue Demon blew up another vending machine again.

(Crowd gasps)

Lance: Yeah the library caught fire, and ya know what? We lost both books.

(Crowd laughs but Principal Kelly is heard booing)

(Commercial Break)

(Kurt and Wolverine are in the mansion living room, a TWIX bar is on the coffee table)

Kurt: Ah Mien friend.

(Kurt hands Wolverine one, who eats it, his eyes brighten. Then he glares at Kurt who is about to eat his. Wolverine jumps on in and his claws come out. Scene cut s to Wolverine slashing, but a couch blocks our way of Kurt. Blood and blue fur fly everywhere, till he stops, stands up, and eats the other TWIX bar.)

Voice: Two for me... None for you.

(Back to the show)

(In the hall of Bayville. Lance, Todd, and Kurt are there.)

Lance: Ack my Vest!

(Holds up ripped vest)

Todd: What happened yo?

Lance: I let Fred's freakish new pet in my room while his was being painted.

Kurt: That must of been bad.

Lance: Yeah, his room looks so stupid now.

Kurt: I meant your's.

Lance: Yeah no kidding!

Todd: So what are you gonna do yo?

Lance: I guess get a new one.

(Scene shows corner restaurant with Burger World written on it. Scene then changes to inside the restaurant, Kitty, Jean, and Rouge are sitting there.)

Jean: I'm going for the record!

Kitty: What record?

Jean: THE Record.

Kitty: THE Record?

Jean: Yes, THE Record.

Rogue: I think I'm lost here.

Kitty: It's THE Record!

Rogue (Sarcastically): Gee that helps.

Jean: THE Record was last set by Jennifer Bell. It is the record, of most guys a girl is dating at once.

Rogue (Sarcastically): Oh Jean, it looks like you're on the Road to greatness now.

Jean: Exactly.

Kitty: So how many do you- like, need?

Jean: 12 to beat the record/

Kitty: And you have 2 so far?

Jean: Three actually... (to Kitty)I have been seeing Pietro lately

Kitty: AH.

(Kurt runs in and sits down)

Kurt: I have done it.

Jean: Done what.

Kurt: I have seen the light?

Kitty: Religion?

Kurt: No, I have seen the light of... Under Water Cooking!

Rogue: Underwater cooking?

Kurt: Underwater cooking!

Jean: As in... cooking underwater.

Kurt: You got it!

Rogue: You're insane.

(Rogue leaves)

Kurt: She is just jealous.

Jean: Jealous of underwater cooking?

Kurt: of underwater cooking!

Kitty: Jealous of cooking underwater?

Kurt: Exactly.

(Scene changes to Scott working on his car in the Mansion's driveway)

Scott (Laughing): So Kurt is cooking underwater?

Rogue: That's what he says.

Scott: How do you cook underwater?

Rogue: He never explained that part.

Scott: Figures. 

(Scene changes to Lance carrying various vests piled in his arms)

Lance: I appreciate you helping me and all. You knowing so much about fashion... but slow down Pietro!

Pietro: This one will look great.

(Scene shows Pietro holding a pink vest)

Lance: For the last time it has to be brown. No Pink! No Chartreuse! No Orange! No Forest lime! No Black! No White! No Tie Dye! No Hippie! No Grey! No White! No Silver! No Royal Blue! No Red! No Sand, Sunset, or tan of any kind! No Striped! No Blood Red! No Royal Red! No Purple! No Yellow! No Leather! No Sky, Sea, Pond, Or any other weird blue! Just brown!

Pietro: Fine, fine.

(Hands Lance a vest that looks like his old one)

Lance: Too small.

(Hands Lance more as he lists off the problems)

Lance: Too Big, Too Scratchy, Too damp, Too droopy, Too Tight, Too Baggy, Bad edges, Too Molten-

Pietro: Too Molten?

Lance: Yes 'Molten'!

Pietro: How can something be Molten.

Lance: It just is.

Pietro: You are too weird!

Lance: All I want is a vest! Is that so much to ask?

(Everyone looks at him)

(Jean, Tabitha, and Kitty are sitting at a lunch table)

Jean: Uh oh.

Kitty: What's wrong.

Jean: I scheduled to go out with Gus and Paul on the same night.

Kitty: That is a problem.

Tabitha: I got it, just clone yourself and go out with them both.

Jean:... Shut up Tabby.

(Kurt is dressed in swimming trunks and has a Barbeque next to a swimming pool. He finished tying cement bricks to the barbecue, and ports. You now see him underwater with the barbeque. He ports away, and comes back with hamburgers which he throws under the lid. He ports away again. Now see Scott and Jean looking at Kurt)

Scott: I have to say, I didn't think you could do it.

Jean: Yeah Kurt, that is fairly impressive.

Kurt: Oh Yeah! The fuzzy dude strikes again!

(Scene shows Lance, Pietro, Fred, and Todd in Lance's jeep driving)

Lance: There is not a decent clothing store in this city!

Todd: Did you try-

Lance: yes

Fred: What about-

Lance: They have nothing!

Pietro: What about-

Lance: Nope!

Fred: I am sure you are over reacting.

Pietro: Or are just really picky.

Lance: I am not picky, I just refuse to wear a bad vest!

Fred: Hey I don't mind.

Lance: Yeah, but you all dress bad, me I have to look good.

Pietro: whatever, I am on the pinnacle of style, your just riding the 60s train.

Todd: Man, I am the most stylin`

Lance: Todd you aren't even on the same planet as Fashion

Fred: Does fashion even have a planet

Pietro: That has to be the dumbest input you have ever given!

Fred: Input is a cool word.

(At The Mansion, the Brotherhood arrive and everyone is in the backyard by the pool.)

Scott (coldly): Hello Lance.

Lance (coldly): hello Scott.

Tabitha: hey Lance, where is your vest?

(Lance Pushes Tabitha into the pool)

Tabitha: I can't swim!

Todd: that's nice

Pietro: Don't struggle, it only makes you think faster!

Tabitha: ok.

(Tabitha sinks)

Pietro: Sucker.

(Kurt ports up with a tray, he walks over and pops hamburgers into buns, everyone sits at a picnic table.)

Kurt: so how are they?

(Fred takes a bite)

Fred: these aren't cooked!

Jean: Kurt did you light the barbeque?

Kurt: Of course not, it was under water!

Kitty: then how did you expect them to cook?

Kurt: I figured the current of the water would cause friction and that would heat them.

Scott: Kurt, we could have got food poisoning!

Fred: These are great.

(Fred keeps eating the burgers)

(Three guys walk into the yard)

Guy 1: Jean, these two guys say you have dates with them, but so do I!

Jean: uh oh!

(Jean runs off.)

(Commercial)

Now a word from our sponsor.

Race Baj: I am a man of few words... thank you.

(End scene)

(Everyone is cleaning up. Another guy, wearing the exact same vest Lance used to wear comes in.)

Guy: I have a date with Jean-

Lance: The perfect Vest!

(Scene freezes as Lance jumps at the kid.)

  
  
  
  
  
  


Hey, thought I missed the disclaimer didn't you? Well I didn't, HA! If this has resemblence to Seinfeld its purposeful. If you have ever read Fantastic Fiction, by Code Red (insert three numbers here) I believe that was the Author anyway. I sort of took that kind of Idea, and put Evo characters. So anyway this will be a series, season 1 has 13 episodes to expect, and the next one will come soon :D. In a final note I don't own Seinfeld or Evo.


	2. Episode 2

(A auditorium Lance stands, a red curtain is behind him)

Lance: Hey everyone. You ever notice how Jean Grey's hair turns red when she is being a jerk?

Person in crowd: Its always red.

Lance: Exactly

(Crowd laughs and Lance ducks and a frying pan goes over his head)

(Commercial)

(Lab, Sabertooth in the background behind a glass wall 3 Scientists are there.)

Scientist voice: Observe the Angry Sabertooth.

(Deer carcass is thrown in the cage and Sabertooth rips it apart)

Scientist: The beast is still most ravenous. Now we introduce Kit Kat chunky into the equation.

(A Kit Kat Chunky is thrown into the cage)

Scientist: I seems to be very, very filling.

(Sabertooth lies in the cage asleep. The Scientist looks at the camera. Sabertooth gets back up, breaks through the glass, and leaps on the Scientist. Next scene Sabertooth has a arm and is eating it)

Sabertooth: Have a Bigger Break!

(Back to the show)

(Class bell rings, Scott is leaving the classroom when the teacher pats him on the shoulder.)

Teacher: You are quite a bright young man Scott.

Scott: thank you sir.

(Scott leaves, smiling, he feels in his pockets and gets a confused look on his face)

(Scene changes Kitty standing in the locker room. She has something in a white cloth and is rubbing it against her arm, Rogue walks up)

Rogue: What are you doing?

Kitty: I have come upon a new invention!

Rogue: Really?

Kitty: yeah! Butter!

Rogue: I think that's already been thought up.

Kitty: Yes, but as a food! Not as a skin softener!

Rogue: Skin softener?

Kitty: Skin softener!

Rogue: As in Softening skin?

Kitty: Softening skin!

Rogue: And does it work?

Kitty: oh it works!

Rogue: But... then you're covered in butter.

Kitty: Exactly (licks her hand) Its win, win!

(Scene shows Kurt, Pietro, and Fred at the restaurant, Scott runs in and sits down)

Scott: My wallet was stolen!

Kurt: Stolen

Pietro: it wasn't me!

(All look at him)

Pietro: Well it wasn't!

Scott: Anyway... I think it was the new teacher.

Kurt: the new teacher?

Scott: the new teacher!

Fred: Why?

Scott: well on a teachers salary you need-

Fred: I mean why do you think that.

Scott: well he had all the opportunity.

Kurt: When?

Scott: Well after school, he took me aside and said... keep up the good work

Pietro (gasps sarcastically): That is an outrage, arrest him, he encouraged Scott Summers!

Scott: knock it off.

Pietro: He did a good deed, lets convict him of a crime!

Scott: Cut it out.

Pietro: After all, what is this world coming to when a man can get away with being kind-

(Scott removes his glasses and blasts Pietro, but no one notices)

Pietro (weakly): Medic.

(Lance walks in, Scott and him glare at each other)

Lance (coldly): Hello... Scott

Scott (coldly): Hello... Lance

(Scott leaves, Pietro gets back up and sits down)

Lance: What's up?

(Sticks a piece of gum in his mouth)

Kurt: Scott thinks the new sub stole his wallet

Lance: Why

(Sticks more gum in his mouth)

Kurt: he was being nice to him

Lance (sarcastically): gee that's suspicious.

(Sticks the rest of the pack, about 5 pieces, into his mouth, the others look surprised)

Kurt: What are you doing?

Lance: oh, sorry, want some?

(Takes 7 packs of gum from his pockets and drops them on the table.)

Pietro: What are you doing?

Lance: I have discovered the wonderful world of gum!

Fred: the wonderful world of gum?

Lance: the wonderful world of gum my friend!

Kurt: Right...

Lance: It is a wonderful world.

(Scene shows Scott leaving class, the teacher is sitting at his desk and Scott stops and looks at him.)

Scott: I know about 'it'

Teacher: What do you mean, 'it'?

(Scott leaves)

(Scene has Scott washing his car, Kurt and Kitty are there as well)

Scott: So I know the sub stole my wallet

Kitty: How did you find out?

Scott: well I said "I know about 'it'" and he said "What do you mean, 'it'?"

Kurt: That's it?

Scott: Yeah, but when he said it, he gulped a little.

Kitty: Gulped?

Scott: Gulped.

Kurt (sarcastically): Well that makes him a wanted criminal.

Scott: Exactly, and I'm going to prove it!

Kurt: Alright Sherlock, good luck!

Scott: Thanks!

(Scott marches out of the driveway and Kurt looks at him, shrugs, jumps in the car, and drives off.)

(Lance and Kitty are in a Theater. Lance keeps popping gum in his mouth every few seconds)

Kitty: Can you stop that

Lance (muffled): Stop what?

Kitty: You must have three packs of gum in your mouth!

Lance: Oh sorry, want some?

Kitty: Arghh.

(Kitty takes popcorn, rubs it on her arm, and eats it. She repeats this a few times)

Lance: Please stop that!

Kitty: Stop what?

Lance: Rubbing popcorn on your body.

Kitty: I can't help it, I hate movie butter.

Lance: Arghh.

(Pietro, Lance, and Todd, are in the restaurant)

Todd: So she dumped ya?

Lance: No, we are at a stand still.

Pietro: Meaning?

Lance: We aren't going out, because we annoy the heck out of each other. But we can't see anybody else.

Todd: that's a fairly raw deal

Pietro: Just stop chewing gum

Lance: I can't, it's an addiction

Todd: addiction?

Lance: an addiction.

Pietro: Its just gum!

Lance: Nothing... is just gum!

(Lance leaves)

Todd: Is it just me or is he getting more insane by the second.

Pietro: Definitely not just you.

(Kurt and Kitty come in and sit down)

Pietro: So what's the story about Scotts wallet?

Kurt: He is still going insane trying to prove the sub did it.

Todd: he won't stop at anything?

Kurt: Nope, he is going to sneak into the School tonight and search for 'incriminating evidence'

Pietro (turns to Kitty): So what is the story with Lance and you?

Kitty: We are thinking of ending the relationship.

Pietro: Just because he chews a bit of gum?

Kitty (sarcastically): Oh Yeah Pietro, Lance only chews a bit of gum, and Marolin Mansion is well adjusted!

Pietro: Point taken.

(Kitty licks her arm)

Todd: But Lance is right, that is very annoying.

Kitty: But so tasty.

Kurt: But... you constantly smell like butter!

Kitty: I don't care.

(Scene has Scott sneaking through the halls of the school, he comes to a classroom and opens the door. He starts going through papers and drawers finding nothing. Suddenly he hears footsteps, and jumps through the window.)

(The restaurant. Pietro, Fred, Evan, and Rogue are there. Scott runs in.)

Scott: I have proof!

Fred: Wait to go! Proof of what?

Scott: that my wallet was stolen by the sub!

Rogue: What is it then?

Scott: I snuck in tonight, and someone was patrolling the halls, and stopped in the classroom!

Pietro: So?

Scott: So? They're making sure no one finds the wallet!

Evan: or it's the security guard making sure no one breaks into the school

Scott: What kind of weirdo breaks into a school?

(All look at him)

Scott: What?

(Scene shows Kitty walking down a path in the park, suddenly a bee starts flying around her)

Kitty: Go away bee!

(It flies back and she turns around and sees a huge swarm of bees. She lets out a scream and shields her face)

(Scene shows Kurt and Rogue get into Scotts car. Kitty walks up to them swelled up with many bumps all over her)

Rogue: what happened to you?

Kitty: I got attacked by bees!

Kurt: Bees?

Kitty: Yeah, they were attracted to the butter on my skin! So where are you going?

Kurt: To visit Lance in the hospital.

Kitty: What? Is he hurt?

Rogue: Nothing serious, he just got a wad of gum in his throat and started choking.

Kitty: I'll go with you.

Kurt: This is actually a blessing.

Kitty: how?

Kurt: He'll never eat another stick of gum.

(Commercial Break)

(Scott, Evan, and Todd are at the restaurant)

Evan: SO did you ever solve the problem of the substitute teacher?

Scott: Oh yeah, I got it covered.

(Scene shows several police cars around a house, the teacher peeks through the blinds of his window)

Cop1: We have you surrounded, come out with your hands up!

Cop 2: He threw something at us sir.

Cop 1: What is it?

Cop 2: A wallet.

Cop 1: He's hostile, open fire!

(Scene freezes as the cops start shooting)

  
  


How did you like it? Good? I need feedback.


	3. Episode 3

(An auditorium, Lance stands in front of a red curtain)

Lance: So how about that principle Kelly? I don't mean to say he is nervous, but our swimming pool seems to be filled with sweat not water.

(Crowd Laughs)

(Commercial Break)

(Scene has Jamie walking down a street, a billboard in the background says 'loose moose cigarettes' and has a pictures of someone smoking. Jamie continues to walk down a street and there are signs in stores that say 'yes we now sell loose moos cigarettes' several other bill boards like this are seen. Jamie finally walks into a street where there is a huge sign that fills the entire screen, advertising loose moose cigarettes, Ray is also there.)

Ray: Hey kid, want a smoke?

Jamie: No thanks, that's not cool.

(Scene changes to a black background with the words 'say no to drugs' in white letters, and a the symbol of loose moose cigarettes in the bottom right.)

  
  


(Scene shows Lance sitting in the restaurant)

Lance: Hello, this is Lance Alvers, please leave a message and get back to me... no to lame. Hey hey! This is Lance Alvers, leave a message for the avalanche and I will get back to you, as soon as my schedule shakes up.... maybe?

(Kitty and Rogue walk up, Kitty sits beside Lance and kisses him on the cheek, but he doesn't take any notice.)

Lance: Hi, I'm Lance Alvers, leave a message for me at the beep, and I will get back to you.

Kitty: Lance?

Lance: Huh?

Rogue: You were takin to yourself, are you ok?

Lance: yeah, I am trying to find the perfect answering machine message.

Kitty: What's wrong with your current one?

Lance: its too predictable.

Rogue: To predictable?

Lance: yeah, everyone expects it.

Kitty: That's like, a little weird.

Lance: Well figures you would think so, your answering machine message is way below par. 

Kitty: Below par?

Lance: Below par!

Kitty: My answering machine message is not below par.

Lance: Oh its below par, if par was at sea level, then your message would be at Mount Everest.

(Kitty turns to Rogue)

Kitty: Is my message really below par?

Rogue: Don't get me into this.

(Rogue leaves, just as she does Pietro walks in)

Pietro: Ih.

Lance: what?

Pietro: Ohw, rae oyu oding?

Kitty: Pietro.

Pietro: Hwat's rwong?

Lance: Ok Pietro what are you doing?

Pietro: I made up a language.

Lance: You made up a language?

Pietro: That's right, all my own.

Kitty: That would take you awhile wouldn't it?

Pietro: Not really, I take English, and I put the second letter in front of the first.

Lance: Then you didn't really make up a language.

Pietro: What?

Lance: You just made a few changes to an existing language, there is nothing unique.

Pietro: But-

Lance: you are the pinnacle of laziness.

Pietro: And you could do better?

Lance: I could put more effort into it.

  
  


(Scene has Scott walking down the street, he looks in the window and sees a magazine with a guy on it dressed exactly like him.)

(Scene has Lance sitting on a chair in the Brotherhood house. The doorbell rings and Lance goes to the door and opens it, where Todd and Fred stand.)

Todd: Good evening sir, in today's day and age, cosmetics are a good investment.

Fred: if you will allow us five minutes of your time we can show you the opportunity of a life time.

Lance: Guys you live here.

Fred: We have become door to door cosmetic salesmen.

Lance: I don't want any.

Todd: Are you aware that now it is actually fashionable for men to wear make up?

Lance: No its not.

Todd: Yes it is.

Lance: Says who?

Fred: Its what the book told us to say.

Lance: Its not true.

Fred: Lance, if it wasn't true, they wouldn't say it.

Lance: Of course they would say it if it wasn't true!

Todd: Lance, you no that a bad temper is a sign of bad skin conditions.

Lance: No its not!

Todd: But the book says-

Lance: Shut up!

(Lance slams the door and sits down in his chair. In the background we see Pietro walk to the door and hear him open it)

Pietro (from off screen): Hey is that the new line of Lady Rena's skin products?

(Lance hangs his head as screen fades)

  
  


(Scene has a close up of the magazine cover, then pulls back to see Scott)

Scott: Don't you see it?!?

(Scene shifts to Scott sitting across from Jean and Kitty at the resteraunt)

Jean:...no

Kitty: Not really.

Scott: Its me!

Jean: No... I don't think your... never mind.

Scott: I'll ignore that. But its my look!

Jean: Your over exaggerating Scott.

Scott: Your under exaggerating!

Kitty: I like it Scott, you seem to finally be on the pinicle of style, its great you want to improve your self image.

Scott: Are you blind!?! I've been dressing like this for the last 3 years!

Kitty: Yeah right Scott, well I have to go, I'm meeting Lance, we are going to see a movie.

(Kitty leaves)

Scott: I'm going to right this injustice!

Jean: Scott, Lance and kitty have been going out for awhile, get over it.

Scott: Not that! This! 

(Scott throws the magazine at Jean and stomps off.)

(Scene shows A crowd at a movie, dialogue is heard in the background, zoom in on Lance and Kitty)

Lance: Hello, my name is Lance Alvers and-

Kitty: Lance!

Lance: Sorry (quietly) Leave a message and I will get back to-

Kitty: Lance!

Lance: Sorry!

Kitty: Now cut it out

Lance (very quietly): This is Lance Alvers, please leave a-

Kitty: That's it!

(Kitty gets up and leaves.)

(Scene shows Fred and Todd at the door to a house, the door opens to reveal Logan)

Todd: hello sir, you know you may not realize it, but in Bayville your life is constantly at risk.

Logan: If you don't leave your life will be in risk bub!

Fred: Life insurance is essential to all you care about.

Logan: Getting you away from this house is essential to all I care about!

Todd: You may be denying your importance but what were to happen if you were to die today?

Logan: well since you're the one in danger I don't think that's a problem.

(Logan shows his claws and Fred and Todd back away.)

(Scene shows a office building made of glass, the shadows of two people can be seen through the window on the bottom floor, one is sitting at a desk, and one is seen waving his arms and it looks like he's angry. There is no audio until a security guard is pushing Scott out the building.)

Scott: This is like identity theft, I'll sue!

Security Guard: I would like to see that.

(Scene shows a courtroom with Scott and a few businessmen.)

Plaintiff: Next case, Scott Summers Versus the owners of image scene magazine.

Scott: I am suing the magazine for illegal use of my image.

Judge: Court finds in favour of Image Scene Magazine.

Scott: crap.

  
  


(Scene shows Kitty and Rogue walking down the halls of the high school)

Kitty: its just hard to spend time with him, the answering machine message obsession is just annoying!

Rogue: He can't be that bad.

(Lance runs by them screaming)

Lance: the perfect message!

Kitty:... well at least he'll shut up now.

(Scene changes to Todd and Fred looking dejected sitting in the restaurant, and Pietro walks up.)

Pietro: What's wrong?

Todd: No one wants to buy any life insurance, and we did so well selling the cosmetics.

Pietro: your going about it all wrong.

Fred: Huh?

Pietro: To get people to buy it, you first need to prove their life is in danger.

Todd: oh I get it yo.

(Scene changes to a house, the door is strapped with dynamite, Principal Kelly opens the door and it explodes, leaving him charred. Fred and Todd walk up shortly after the explosion.)

Todd: Sir you may not realize but life insurance is a necessity in life...

(Scene shows Scott he is wearing black clothes and a black hat, and his usual Red Sunglasses have clear black tape over them. He opens a window and sneaks through a hallway into a room. It is full of mannequins wearing clothes like Scott. He takes the clothes off all the bodies sticks them in a metal bucket and throws a match in. Scott walks out when we see a Mannequin fall over, its arm landing in the bucket and lighting on fire.)

(Scene now shows Fred, Kitty, Todd, and Rogue sitting in the restaurant when Scott comes in.)

Scott: Well I solved the problem of those guys stealing my look.

Kitty: Not this again.

Todd: What is he talkin bout yo?

Rogue: nothing.

Scott: I took all the clothes off the Mannequins in the warehouse and burned them.

Kitty: So you stopped them from sending these Mannequin's to stores until they can re-clothe them, which will take about 1 hour?

Scott:... yeah...

Rogue: So you really accomplished nothing.

Scott:... yeah

Kitty: Ok. So Todd, Fred, why aren't you two selling your insurance.

Fred: Well we tried Pietro's advice.

Todd: But with the demon sightings and earth quakes in this town, everyone already has life insurance yo.

Fred: So we gave up.

Kitty: Aww.

Fred: its no problem, we sold a lot of cosmetics anyway.

Rogue: Hey look. (Rogue points to a TV that shows the remains of a burned building)

Scott: Hey turn it up.

(Scene shows only the cast looking at the camera mounted here the TV used to be.)

Reporter on TV: The Image Scene magazine and clothing company's main warehouse burnt down last night.

Scott: Oh no.

Reporter on TV: The damages include all their new clothing line, including the much 'shades' look.

Kitty: Isn't that the name of the one that looks like you?

*Scott nods*

Reporter on TV: The estimate of the damages mount up to several hundred thousands of clothes, and equipment. The cause of the fire seems to be a burning trash can, that coincidentally contained only the 'shades' line, taken from the Mannequins that were to be sent out today. The companies only suspect is Scott Summers, who recently sued the company, claiming their 'shades' line was a direct copy of his own clothes. 

*Scott slowly inches off his seat and then starts running*

(Commercial break)

(Scene shows an answering machine, a phone rings a couple times and you hear a click. The music from the theme to the greatest American hero starts playing and Lance's voice comes on)

Lance: Believe it or not, Lance isn't at home

Leave a message... at the beep

I must not be in or I'd pick up the phone

Where could I be?

Believe it or not

I'm not home!


End file.
